INVITATION
TO A BEHEADING
"Bastard Mogutin! For a long time I had a suspicion that you were a
nasty shit and a greasy, hidden Jew. Your writings are disgusting! Who gave
you, reptile, the right to write this stuff? All kinds of faggots like you
want to destroy our Orthodox country and corrupt our children. It will never
happen! Our power is still strong! And tell this to your employers (or fuck
buddies?) in Washington and Tel-Aviv! You have signed your own death warrant.
Watch out now! If you are so courageous and principled, why do you hide
under an idiot's pseudonym and why don't you disclose your real (Jewish)
name? I can answer: you are afraid of the revenge of the Russian people
who have been offended and mocked by you! But remember: we are sick of your
rotten provocations! Enough is enough! Death! Death! Death!"
I
received this letter shortly before I was forced to leave Russia this past
March [1995] after a series of criminal charges brought against me for my
writing, but even more so, my position as a gay rights advocate and the
only openly gay journalist in Russia. I got used to this kind of homophobic
and xenophobic messages, as I had received them regularly through the mail
and over the phone, but this one arrived via fax machine, in a country where
faxes are still rare. These anonymous threats were not the most frightening
compared with to threats from the state authorities and the militia for
what I wrote or said.
Writing
poetry since my teenage years, in 1990, shortly after I moved to Moscow,
I began working as a freelance journalist. Most of my articles were on cultural
and literary criticism and gay issues. I was widely published in new, independent
papers like Yeschyo and Novyi Vzglyad, as well as mainstream publications
like Nezavisimaya Gazeta, Stolitsa and The Moscow News. I published interviews
with a number of famous cultural and pop personalities, most of whom were
gay and for the first time spoke openly about their homosexuality.
I
worked at Glagol, the first publishing house in Russia to publish international
and Russian gay literature, including James Baldwin's Giovanni's Room, Burroughs'
Naked Lunch, and the two-volume collected works by Evgeny Kharitonov, Under
House Arrest.
When
I first came out and began to publish my interviews and articles, homosexuality
was still taboo in the Russian media, culture, and public life. Perestroika
and Glasnost had scarcely changed this situation. Although in 1993 Yeltsin
repealed Stalin's law punishing homosexuality with up to five years in prison,
gay men in Russia still feared harassment and imprisonment from the militia.
Homophobic persecution is a tacit state policy, with homosexuality considered
criminal and morally abhorrent by most Russians. As recent polls have shown,
almost half feel that homosexuals should be killed or isolated from the
society. Only a couple of years ago, the few first gay bars and discos were
opened in Moscow and St. Petersburg.
There
is no gay community per se in Russia. There is no gay civil rights movement,
nor there are any influential political, social, or cultural gay groups.
Needless to say, there are very few openly gay Russians. Most gays and lesbians,
especially in the provinces, are deeply closeted and married with children.
The foreign journalists who interviewed me in Moscow told me that it was
difficult for them to find any Russian gays or lesbians who would agree
to show their faces or give their real names even for Western audiences.
My open gayness was shocking for the closeted journalists and editors in
the Russian press, who supported me in the beginning of my career, but then
decided that it was too dangerous for them to have any contact with me.
"Don't push gay issues," one editor advised me privately. "I
don't want to lose my job for publishing your articles, and my wife will
think I'm a queer."
FROM
RECOGNITION TO SURVEILLANCE
In
1993 my writing began to be widely published and received critical recognition.
In 1994 I was called the best critic of contemporary culture by Nezavisimaya
Gazeta. Although increasingly popular, most of my articles and interviews
were partly censored by editors for their gay references and content. For
example, "Homosexuality in the Soviet Camps and Prisons" (Novoye
Vremya, No. 35-36, 1993) was censored before publication by the editor,
Leonid Mlyechin. What he excluded concerned homophobia among anti-Soviet
dissidents. "Even if it's true that these dissidents were homophobic,
it's still not a good reason to kick them!" said Mlyechin.
"Who
cares about homosexuals, their rights and their problems? Only Mogutin does,"
Sergei Chuprinin, editor-in-chief of the literary magazine Znamya, wrote
in his article in The Moscow News. These kinds of homophobic declarations
and remarks are still common for the so-called democratic and liberal Russian
press.
After
I published an interview with Simon Karlinsky, Professor of Russian Literature
at Berkeley University and the key authority on homosexuality in Russian
history and culture, the critic Nina Agisheva wrote in The Moscow News:
"Mogutin and Karlinsky try to present all Russian classics as homosexuals!
Even Gogol!" According to the old Soviet propaganda, which is still
pervasive, there are no homosexuals in Russian/Soviet history; homosexuality
is a "foreign disease," and, as the conservative writer Valentin
Rasputin put it, "it was imported into Russia from abroad."
In
July 1993, I published an interview with a famous entertainer Boris Moiseyev,
one of the few openly gay personalities in Russian showbiz. In an interview
entitled 'Filthy Peckers of the Komsomol Leaders,' Moiseyev revealed that
at the outset of his career he was the victim of "sexual terror"
by certain high-ranking Komsomol and Communist Party officials, who were
"fans of the beautiful bodies of young guys." He described graphically
how during the Moscow Olympics festivities in 1980, he was forced to strip-dance
in front of a group of the Komsomol leaders and later performed oral sex
on "the filthy peckers of those old bastards... all of whom are still
in power."
The
interview with Moiseyev created a huge scandal. It was first published in
the independent Latvian newspaper Yeschyo, and later reprinted in several
other newspapers, including the mainstream daily Moskovsky Komsomolets and
independent weekly Novyi Vzglayd. I saw Xeroxed copies of my interview being
distributed in samizdat, like anti-Soviet literature in the USSR before
Perestroika.
When
the scandal reached the Parliamentary level, the criminal charges were brought
against me under Article 206.2 of the Criminal Code ("malicious hooliganism
with exceptional cynicism and extreme insolence"). The Regional Prosecutor
accused me of using "profane language and obscene expressions, graphic
descriptions of sexual perversions, illustrated with a photo of a homosexual
nature." The notorious Article 206.2, with a penalty of up to five
years' imprisonment, was typically used against dissidents by the Soviet
authorities. Following the Soviet prosecution system, the same charge of
''hooliganism'' has been used against homosexuals in China and Cuba. I only
found out about the Prosecutor's Office decision through accounts I read
in the press.
In
October 1993, right after the attempted coup, the Yeltsin government shut
down those newspapers it proclaimed "oppositional." Surprisingly
enough, Yeschyo, which had initially published my interview with Moiseyev,
was on that black list.
On
October 6, a group of militiamen headed by detective Matveyev showed up
at the door of Aleksei Kostin, the paper's publisher. Without official warrant
they searched the apartment and arrested Kostin. For three days he was held
in custody without any formal charges. "We should have got rid off
you perverts a long time ago!" detective Matveyev exclaimed referring
to the newspaper's explicit content.
Yeschyo
was singled out from the rest of the free press, because it was the only
paper in Russia to regularly publish positive and serious material on homosexual
issues. In fact, Yeschyo was shut down after the publication of my interview
with Boris Moiseyev and the opening of the criminal case against me. The
prosecutors' and militia's repressive actions against Yeschyo, Novvi Vzglyad,
and me were part of a new backlash of homophobia, and a broader campaign
against the freedom of speech in the independent media. This campaign was
enthusiastically supported by the conservative and governmental papers such
as Rossyiskaya Gazeta, Rossyiskiye Vesty, as well as the more liberal Solidarnost,
and Vechernyaya Moskva. A series of homophobic articles against me and other
journalists from Yeschyo and Novyi Vzglyad appeared during the next few
weeks. One author proclaimed all of us "agents of the Israeli secret
service MASSAD, who have received instructions to corrupt Russia."
On
October 28,1993, three militiamen came to the office of Glagol Publishing
and shouted through the door to Alexander Shatalov, its editor-in-chief,
inquiring as to my whereabouts. He answered that I was not in. They threatened
to break the door down and check it themselves. They obviously had been
informed that I was at the office at the moment. When the door was opened,
they came in and showed me their documents. I was arrested by lieutenant
Andrei Kuptsov, handcuffed, and driven into the Regional Militia station.
On the way there all of them used far more "profane language and obscene
expressions" than the ones I had allegedly used.
At
the station I was interrogated by Kuptsov three times during five hours
without break or the presence of a lawyer: first as a witness to the crime
(i.e. the writing and publishing of my own article); as the prime suspect
in the crime; and, finally, as the one charged with committing the crime.
He asked if I understood that the content of "Filthy Peckers"
was illegal and that by writing it I had broken the law. I answered that
this whole case seemed absolutely absurd. At the end of the interrogation
I was forced to sign a document prohibiting me from leaving Moscow. "You're
lucky we don't put you in custody like Kostin!" Kuptsov said to me.
I did not have the right of travel and was, for all intents and purposes,
under house arrest until the end of 1994. I was also banned from receiving
my foreign-travel passport.
Later,
I found out that on the same day Kostin was also arrested. He was charged
under Article 228 of the Criminal Code: "promotion, production, and
distribution of pornography," subject to up to three years in prison.
In the old Soviet times this article was also regularly used against dissidents.
Three months later Kostin was arrested again and placed in a general holding
cell in the most notorious prison in Moscow, Butyrki. Despite the considerable
press attention given to the case of Yeschyo and Kostin, along with numerous
letters of protest from Russian and international human rights organizations,
Kostin was held in prison for thirteen months without trial.
The
day after my arrest, Genrikh Padva, Russia's most famous human rights lawyer,
took on my case pro bono. His authority is based on the role he played in
several high-profile political trials during the Soviet era. Padva was the
founding father of the first professional lawyers' union in the USSR, and
the first lawyer to petition the Ministry of Justice to end the anti-homosexual
Article 121.1 of the Criminal Code.
OUT
COMES ZHIRINOVSKY
At
around this time, at an art opening in Moscow, I was introduced to Vladimir
Zhirinovsky, the leader of the right-wing Liberal Democratic Party. He ran
for president in 1991 in Russia's first free elections and became one of
the most popular politicians with his nationalistic slogans. His eccentric
image and populist speeches made him an idol for many teenagers, and he
was often invited to the openings of rock clubs and art galleries.
Zhirinovsky
was with his bodyguard who, as he proudly announced, used to be the bodyguard
of Babrak Karmal, the head of the Soviet regime in Afghanistan. Zhirinovsky
was surprisingly interested in me. He told me that he had heard about me
and read some of my articles. "So why didn't you come to me before?"
he asked upfront. "You could have come to me and said: I want to work
for you and your party! Why didn't you do it, like so many other young Russian
guys have?"
It
was hard to determine whether he was joking or not. Zhirinovsky invited
me to join him at the restaurant of the Central House of Architects. There
he pursued two teenage boys, fifteen or sixteen years old, and asked me
to invite them to our table: "They can be good party members! I bet
they will look great in military uniforms!" His manners, toasts, and
speech seemed totally bizarre. He felt comfortable in my company, as he
knew I was gay. He offered vodka to the boys, but they declined. He openly
flirted with them, but succeeded only in frightening them off. Disappointed,
Zhirinovsky shot down another glass of vodka and went off to the dance floor
into a clutch of young female admirers.
Zhirinovsky's
interest in young guys is not a secret to his inner circle, but it cannot
be a subject for discussions among them. The issue of his sexuality is seemingly
taboo for the Russian press as well. Although a number of major papers published
a Reuters photo of Zhirinovsky kissing a Serbian soldier on the mouth, both
naked in the sauna, during his visit to Yugoslavia, none made any comment
on it. He's often escorted by handsome young men, the members of the youth
division of his party, or so-called Sokoly Zhirinovskogo ('Zhirinovsky's
Falcons'). He lives separately from his wife and spends almost every weekend
at his private dacha outside Moscow. One young reporter, who was invited
to interview Zhirinovsky, told me that he was instead propositioned by Zhirinovsky
to pose naked for his camera in the shower.
I
received a different proposal from Zhirinovsky: he wanted me to be his press
secretary. My reputation as an openly gay journalist obviously didn't embarrass
him. I suppose he had more sexual than political interest in me. On the
other hand, I was already a known writer, and he may have wanted to use
my name in order to score more votes from my readers as well as from gay
people. I realized that collaboration with Zhirinovsky could put an end
to my persecution and protect me from other possible troubles with the authorities.
I was an easy target for them, as I had no political backing or protection.
One telephone call from Zhirinovsky to the Prosecutor's Office, and the
criminal case against me would be closed. But I declined his proposal as
I wanted to remain independent from all political parties, groups, or organizations.
In retrospect I would say that it is almost impossible to be politically
independent in today's Russia.
Two
months later, in December 1993, after an incredibly successful political
campaign in the nation's parliamentary elections, Zhirinovsky became the
leader of the largest faction in the new Parliament. With his promises of
cheap vodka for every man, a boyfriend and flowers for every woman, and
legalized drugs for all, he was the only politician in Russian history to
use slogans in support of private life for all citizens, including homosexuals.
As a result, a significant part of his 12.3 million voters were gay.
"We
are against any interference in the private lives of our citizens,"
Zhirinovsky said in an interview. "One person might be fascinated by
Eastern religions, another spends all day standing on his head doing yoga,
and someone else has particular sexual preferences. Why do we have to interfere
in their private lives? We don't want to! The American president had the
same slogan. And I was the first Russian politician who did the same, wasn't
I? That's good! And note my, let's say, progressive ideology." When
he was asked about me, what he thought of my reputation, he answered diplomatically,
"We have a lot of work now, and we need people. It's why I proposed
to work with him.... You can find some discriminative characteristic on
everyone: one-dirty; another-poor; the third one-stupid; the fourth one
has a different religion; the fifth one has a different ideology... And
who's left?"
THE
MARRIAGE
On
March 22, 1994, the Presidential Legal Commission on Informational Disputes
held a hearing regarding my articles published in Novyi Vzglyad. The Commission
was founded by a special Yeltsin decree in order to monitor the media. Its
chairman, Anatolyi Vengerov, is an ex-Communist bureaucrat in his late fifties.
The Commission consists of ten "experts," all of whom are former
Soviet apparatchiks. The legal status of the Commission is not clear, as
its position is outside the Constitution, but its decisions, in effect,
have the same power as presidential decrees. The work and the existence
of the Commission have been criticized in the Russian independent press
and by the Parliament, although most of the press tries to placate the Commission,
which tacitly controls all legal issues affecting the mass media.
I
was not invited to my own hearing, and found out about the Commission's
verdict in Rossyiskaya Gazeta, one of the government's papers. I was proclaimed
"a corrupter of public morals, a propagandist of pathological behavior,
sexual perversions, and brutal violence," etc. My writing "produces
especial danger for children and teenagers." From that time on, only
the few most liberal papers continued to publish me.
During
this period I had been living with the American artist Robert Filippini.
On my twentieth birthday we attempted to officially register our relationship
as the first same-sex marriage in Russia. The marriage action was announced
in the press, and we expected that the authorities would try to stop it.
In the press release we wrote that the act was a "protest against the
policy of homophobia and sexism, puritan public opinion and hypocritical
morality," and "the primary objective for us was to draw public
attention to the problems of gays and lesbians in Russia."
On
the eve of the marriage action we went to the United States Embassy to register
Robert's intention to marry me, as per the rules regarding marriage of foreigners
and Russian nationals. Surprisingly, even telling the consul to take note
of the genders involved, we received the certificate with the signature
and stamp of the Embassy consul Paul Davis-Jones.
On
April 12, we arrived at Wedding Palace No. 4, the office for registering
international marriages in Moscow. Over a hundred reporters and friends
were waiting for us there. Karmen Bruyeva, the head of the Palace for over
twenty-five years, was informed about our visit through friends. Surprisingly
for us, she was polite and sympathetic. Bruyeva said that personally she
understood our desire to get married, but "marriage is a voluntary
union between a man and a woman," according to a Soviet law that has
remained unchanged since 1969. "I'm really sorry, but I cannot register
your union. If I accepted an application from two men I would be reprimanded
and the marriage would be declared invalid," Bruyeva said. "Why
don't you apply to Parliament and ask to amend the law? By the way, raise
your hands, those of you, journalists, who favor amending the law?"
And all of them raised their hands.
The
action drew a huge public response. The event was widely covered in the
Russian and Western press. Most of the Russian press was sympathetic, except
for an article in the Communist Pravda, where we were proclaimed "agents
of Western drug trafficking and the porn industry," and a couple of
other homophobic articles in government papers.
THE
TRIAL
The
trial concerning the criminal case against me under Article 206.2 was set
for April 14th. Starting on April 13, Robert and I became the targets of
militia harassment. That evening, two uniformed militiamen came to our apartment
on Arbat and explained the reason for their visit: They had received letters
of complaint from our neighbors claiming that we "had corrupted our
neighborhood." After looking around the apartment they left.
A
few hours later, two plainclothes detectives came to our apartment. The
lead man, stout and with a prominent scar on his face, demanded to see our
documents. When we asked to see their identification, "Scarface"
responded, "Fuck off! " He and his partner, "Pretty Brute,"
wearing long black leather jackets, walked us into our kitchen and began
an hour-and-a-half interrogation on every aspect of our lives. Again, they
told us that they received a letter from a neighbor, accusing us of holding
"orgies with young boys", and then ranted on about their loathing
of homosexuals and what they perceived to be the farce of our marriage attempt.
"We can do anything with you two, put you in a psychiatric clinic,
send you to jail, deport you from Russia! And neither PEN Center nor the
American Embassy will be able to help you!" Scarface boasted.
They
stated that they were members of Zhirinovsky's party. Their belligerence
was unrestrained until I told them that I knew Zhirinovsky personally and
that I could call him immediately to have him order them to stop their actions
against us. "Don't give us this shit!" Scarface yelled. "How
can you, queer, know Zhirinovsky personally?" I showed them his business
card and his private number in my telephone book. After they drank nearly
a liter of our vodka, they extorted $250 from us, promising that it would
be the end of our "troubles with the neighbors," and left the
apartment laughing. The visit was utterly animalistic. We were absolutely
demoralized and in shock, to the point that we were afraid to tell even
our friends about the incident.
On
April 14, 1994, the Presnenskyi Interregional Court held a hearing concerning
the criminal charges brought against me under Article 206.2. Against code,
I received no official notification for the date of my trial. I was not
even familiar with the documents of the case against me, or with the indictment
as it was written. When I protested this to the presiding judge, Elena Fillipova,
she was completely indifferent. My lawyer argued that I was targeted for
prosecution because of my homosexuality. He said that this was the only
case in the history of Soviet or Russian jurisprudence when a journalist
had been charged with "hooliganism" for his use of language. Use
of so-called profane language has a long tradition in Russian letters and
classical literature, and it has become increasingly common in the media,
including in large newspapers and on the government TV channel. Padva mentioned
a number of examples when profane language was used by President Gorbachev,
Vice President Rutskoi, President Yeltsin, and other Russian officials.
Padva said that the case should be closed because of a series of violations
of the Criminal Code on the part of the Prosecutor's Office. He stated that
this was not just "a minor point, but . . . a flagrant violation of
human rights."
After
the lawyer's speech, Judge Filippova took a break for "consultation,"
which was odd, as she was alone in her chambers. Evidently, she "consulted"
with the Prosecutor's Office and other initiators of the case against me.
Even though the new Russian constitution states that the judicial system
is to be independent of the Prosecutor's Office, in Soviet and present-day
Russia judges still represent the Prosecutor's Office. After about forty
minutes the judge returned and read her resolution. She found me guilty
of all charges, but sent the case back to the Prosecutor's Office for a
new investigation, on technical grounds.
On
the night of April 16, the two detectives returned. For the next two hours
a vodka-drinking Scarface - whose profanity-filled speech was a curious
mix of foul Russian, English, and German - told graphic sexual stories,
and spoke of politics, religion, the philosophy of Hegel, Zhirinovsky's
glory, the Motherland, his poor old mother, the dangers of militia work,
the Orthodox Power, family life, and the general moral disorder of the world.
Throughout, he emphasized his hatred of homosexuals and the corrupting influence
of the West. Thus did I discover the sophisticated spiritual and intellectual
world of a militiaman. Midway through this monologue a large cellophane
bag of hashish was laid on our table. The detectives laughed and proceeded
to warn us of the prison terms dished out to those found in possession of
drugs. They then offered to find some young girls to bring up to our apartment
for group sex. Pretty Brute asked if we preferred eleven- or twelve-year-old-girls.
Repeatedly during their visit, both of them demanded money from us. Again,
they left the apartment drunk to the point where they could hardly walk.
A
couple of nights later Scarface returned alone. He showed us a handwritten
letter full of homophobic scribblings, describing graphically orgies with
young boys that supposedly took place in our apartment. He asked if we wanted
him to kill our "motherfucking" neighbor, the purported writer
of this letter. He raised his full glass of vodka, swilled it and said that
he would now do us a favor, at which point he burned the letter in front
of us, filling the room with smoke and yipping as he singed his fingers.
After
the extensive press coverage our attempted marriage received, we were frequently
recognized and regularly stopped on the street by the militia. This was
especially true in our neighborhood, where we couldn't pass by the roving
militia without being harassed. Though the anti-homosexual law has now been
abolished in Russia, the militia continue to keep and collect files on known
homosexuals. "I control all of them in my district," the Moscow
local militia chief said in a TV interview. "I have to do it, because
homosexuals are physically and psychically abnormal people. Every one of
them at any time could pick up an ax and just kill somebody. Easily! They
have to be isolated. They are sick!"
FLIGHT
FROM RUSSIA
On
September 20, 1994, under pressure from the liberal press, Russian and international
human rights organizations, and legal efforts, the criminal case against
me was dropped by the Prosecutor's Office, because "due to the changed
circumstances, Mogutin has ceased to pose a danger to society." I learnt
of the decision only on October 10, when I was invited to the Prosecutor's
Office and had a three-hour conversation with Igor Konyushkin, First Deputy
Prosecutor of the Office. Tall and thin, he chain-smoked nervously throughout
our conversation. He seemed too young, too intelligent, and too gentle for
his job. He spoke with me very frankly and seemed outwardly friendly. I
realized that he was being provocative. Konyushkin introduced himself as
a "big fan of my writing." "Because of my job, I had to read
all your articles," he said. "We have a huge file on you. You
might be a good writer but the content of most of your articles is criminal.
We could open a new case against you concerning anything from these articles
as easily as we did with the "Filthy Peckers" case. I just want
to let you know that, although we dropped this case, we can always open
another one. We're giving you a chance to rehabilitate your mind: you must
stop your writing or change your subject matter! You know what I mean? That's
my advice as your big fan!"
My
conversation with Konyushkin reminded me of Nabokov's Invitation to a Beheading.
There was something sadomasochistic about it. He seemed to be obsessed with
me, my criminal prosecution being an extension of this obsession. Konyushkin
told me that he was most outraged by an article in which I wrote that homophobes
in the Prosecutor's Office were just repressed queers. After my conversation
with him, I was all the more convinced that what I had written was true.
A
few weeks later the State Prosecutor's Office issued a statement proclaiming
their disagreement with the Regional Office's decision to close my case,
and they brought it into their jurisdiction for future prosecution.
In
February, the Presidential Legal Commission on Informational Disputes held
two hearings concerning an article called "Chechen Knot" that
I had written on the war in Chechnya. The article was highly critical of
Yeltsin's government, the Parliament, the military complex, as well as of
the Chechen separatists and the Russian press and intelligentsia. "Chechen
Knot" was not the only article of this kind in the Russian press. I
was again being singled out because of my open homosexuality. Like my earlier
case, this one had a strong political motivation.
Both
hearings of the Commission were closed to the press and public, only reporters
from the government press were allowed. The trial was in typical Soviet
style: when I tried to say something in my defense, the microphone was turned
off. The Commission’s members and the reporters just laughed at my
protests. The chairman, Anatoly Vengerov, was screaming at me: “It’s
scandalous! Stop this ugliness immediately or we shall call the militia!
Where is security? Somebody, call security right now!”
The
members of the Commission accused me of violating the Constitution by “inflaming
national, social, and religious division” and recommended to the Prosecutor’s
Office that new criminal charges should be brought against me, and to the
Committee on Press and Information that it shut down Novyi Vzglyad and rescind
its publishing license. The official government TV channel Ostankino broadcasted
on it’s prime time news program, Vremya (Time), the Commission’s
decision, which was also published in Rossyiskaya Gazeta and other government
papers.
I
was almost unanimously vilified in press coverage of the new trial, in over
a dozen aggressively homophobic articles. One of the authors called me a
“hysterical mama’s boy” and appealed to the authorities
to put me in a psychiatric clinic. Another reporter, the head of the Moscow
Union of Journalists, suggested that it was too bad that the earring-wearing
Mogutin hadn’t been killed instead of Dmitry Kholodov (the journalist
of Moskovskyi Komsomolets killed by a letter bomb in the editorial offices
in October 1994 while working on a report on corruption in the Russian military).
This
3-year-long prosecution and intimidation campaign had its toll on me: I
felt like a trapped animal. I was afraid of staying home just as much as
being on the street, waiting to be arrested again and harassed by the militia
at any moment. On the advice of my lawyer, I decided to flee the country,
using the invitation from Columbia University for a series of lectures as
an excuse. Expecting the situation to settle down in my absence, I fled
Russia in the hope of returning in a few months. But shortly thereafter
I found out that a new criminal case against me had in fact been opened
under Article 74 of the Criminal Code, with a possible prison sentence of
up to seven years. With that, going back home was no longer an option. I
had no choice but to seek political asylum in the United States.
I
left behind in Russia not just my political and criminal troubles but also
my language, audience, family, circle of friends, and my celebrity status.
I had to start my whole life again from ground zero. However, when people
ask me how I find my present life, I tell them that being an anonymous political
exile in New York is much better than being a famous gay writer in a Russian
prison.
First
published in: The Harvard Gay and Lesbian Review (Boston), Fall 1995,
Volume II, No. 4.
©
Slava Mogutin, 1995. |